Well I think it’s safe to say none of us expected 2020 to be this freaking hard. I know going into the new year I had big dreams and high hopes. I had a million things planned. There are plenty of negative things to say about this year but I think for this post I’d like to stay on the positive side. Because I’ve still been able to accomplish A LOT this year. I know the past few months (feels like years) have not been easy for any of us. Most of us feel like we’re being eaten alive by the current state of the world. I mean, I even thought about giving up my blog for a minute. Yikes. But dare I say, we’re letting the negativity get to us. We’re letting the negativity win. Yes it’s been hard. Yes it’s a pain in the ass to deal with all this year has thrown at us but damn it we’re stronger than this! We’re bigger than this. This year has been the most challenging for all of us. We’ve had to rely on only ourselves (thanks quarantine). We’ve had to really spend time with ourselves and work out our thoughts. How many of you have been doing a ton of inner healing?
Uh-huh me too. I’ve been putting in work. And it’s been so liberating. I’ve literally learned more about myself this year, than in my entire 26 years of living. I look at pictures of myself from last year and don’t even know who that chick was. Thanks to 2020 I’ve been reborn. I’ve changed. I’ve shed years of molding that wasn’t mine.
I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions because of it. From sadness, anger, guilt, peace, tranquility, happiness, and everything in between.
It’s safe to say, I have a terrible memory.
I’ve always blamed a history of chronic migraines for my lack of remembering ANYTHING. It’s a real problem I’ve struggled with. But in the last year I’ve had more flashbacks jog my memory than I can count. It’s been a crazy experience honestly. My friends will tell you, I don’t remember anything from my teenage years or childhood until someone else mentions it first..then I’m like “ohhh yeahhhh that did happen” or I see a picture and I’m brought back to that moment but just for a split second. But then, 2020 came along and my brain has been like ‘pew pew, pew pew, here’s a memory, here’s another one, pew pew.” Lol that’s the only way I know how to explain this craziness. It’s crazy to me because I’ve always tried so hard to recall things and I just can’t. But in the past 7 months, the memories have came on their own. Without me prying, without me wondering, and….they’ve come with a lot of baggage.
A lot of baggage that I’ve had to work through myself. I’ve had to learn and grow from it all. I didn’t necessarily want to, but I knew that this was the year to do the inner work. Why else would these memories be popping up so abruptly and so often?
I’ve talked about it before, but in the past two years I’ve been on a very personal developmental/spiritual journey. I’ve done a lot of healing, changing, challenging, learning, and accepting. But NOTHING compared to this.
Well, I take that back. I think I started to realize a few of these things, but I don’t think I was prepared for it. I was still stuck with a mindset that wasn’t conducive for that inner healing yet. And by that I mean I wasn’t ready to accept certain things. I had too much guilt weighing on me and I never would’ve accepted that I wasn’t the problem.
Personal development, inner healing, and growth is NOT an overnight thing. Doing the work does not mean that you will not have bad days. We all have bad days. Storms are inevitable. But they always, always lead to rainbows and sunshine. Doing the inner work is a service to yourself. A service that you NEED to make a priority.
If you can’t figure out what makes you you, how are you supposed to know who you are?
How are you going to stop letting your past define you if you don’t release it? How are you going to put yourself first if you don’t understand what it is you truly want?
2020 has been a blessing (in disguise) to all of us. It’s opened our eyes to so much more than social media posts and drive-thru coffee lines. It’s taught us to be more loving, giving, and appreciative. 2020 has taught us to be ok with being alone. We’ve learned that tomorrow isn’t promised and that toilet paper is a major necessity that we all take for granted.
So, let’s stop taking life for granted. Stop fighting the process. Let’s learn more about ourselves. Let’s start that dream journal. Let us get rid of that toxic baggage weighing us down and holding us back from being our true selves. Start doing the inner healing work and step into who you really are. 2020 is still YOUR year. You just have to accept it, put in the work, and let the universe do the rest.
Love to you!