As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases made through links in this blog post, at no additional cost to you.
How to fix a relationship
Are you feeling unhappy in your relationship? Are you trying to figure out what went wrong and how to start fixing it? If you’re on this post you’re probably trying to figure out how to fix your relationship and feel happy again. But where do you start?
Look I’m no love expert and I’m not giving out medical advice here but in this article I’m going to talk to you about how to fix your relationship.
And it starts with you.
Luckily I know a little bit about you. So I guess that makes me qualified enough to share this with you. *wink wink*
You know that line when you’re letting someone down and you’re like, “it’s not you, it’s me”? Well that’s basically what I mean.
It is you.
*Alexa play Soulmate by Lizzo
Do you love yourself right now?
Do you love yourself enough to know what you have to offer? Do you love yourself enough to realize what you’re actually offering?
Like, are you really putting your all into the relationship? Or just half assing it but expecting the world?
*truth hurts sometimes, cited – @Lizzo
Whether that last part was an awakening
or you know that you’re already giving your 100% into the relationship, keep reading.
I’m not getting into the relationship part just yet. I want to talk to you about how happy you are with yourself.
Because finding happiness starts within you.
So serious question, do you bring yourself joy?
That might sound kind of cheesy but I mean it. When you’re home alone by yourself, in your thoughts.. are you happy? If you answered yes, you can skip on down a little bit.
If you were feeling a little unsure, keep reading.
You’re not happy in your relationship because you’re not happy with yourself.
If you can’t be happy alone, no one else will be able to make you happy.
As much as they try, they’ll never win because you are not happy on the inside.
They could be doing everything right and giving their 100% to you but baby, when we’re in a deep spot, we can’t accept happiness from the outside.
Does that make sense to you? We shut it out.
When we’re not happy, we look for the bad in everything. We search for the negative with every ‘what if’.
Just like when an orange starts molding just because the apple next to it is. Negativity spreads like wildfire.
So what we need to figure out is why are we being so negative?
A lot of self reflection (and writing!) can help with that. Are you unhappy with yourself, your past, your spouse, your life? What the heck is the root of your problem.
Is it you that you are unhappy with?
To get to the root of your problem, you need to start actively practicing Personal Development, which you can read about here.
And I don’t mean to brag, but my personal growth has been amazing since I started intentional development and self growth.
Forewarning though, you learn a lot of shit about yourself. Stuff that you may have pushed way, way down inside you and don’t even realize.
But it’s a great thing because we can let that toxic energy go and become a better person in the process.
You’ll learn the reasons why you’re unhappy. You’ll learn what makes you happy. You’ll learn more about the events in your life that have shaped who you are.
I highly recommend you learn to start loving yourself before you start looking for love in someone else.
Which means you have to get to know yourself. Which definitely needs to happen before you try to get to know a whole nother being.
But if you’re already in that relationship, whether new or matured, we’re to the next part of our segment.
Is it toxic energy around you?
Ok if you were reading our “not 100% happy with myself” segment, you saw where I mentioned getting rid of our own toxic energy. But right now, I want to talk to you about that toxic energy around you.
ANY relationship can be toxic. I don’t give a damn how much you think you love that person. You know when that shit is toxic and when it’s time to let it go.
And if this is it, I’m telling you right now to LET. IT. GO.
If you’re being mentally abused, physically abused, sexually abused (yes there CAN be sexual abuse even in a relationship just so we’re clear.), then leave.
If you need that reassurance and validation, here it is.
It’s ok to leave a toxic relationship.
If y’all never say ONE nice thing to each other ever, leave.
You know when it’s time. You know when there’s no fixing it. Quit trying to fight the inevitable. Who’s heart are you protecting?
You need to be focused on protecting yours. Start on that self reflection to start.
And if you’re using the excuse of your kids – part of taking care of your kids is taking care of yourself. So remember that.
I also want to point out that if a non-sexual relationship was toxic, you would distance yourself quickly, right? So why would you keep that same toxic energy in your bed?
Sometimes ending it is fixing it.
If you’re happy within, and you’ve tried putting your all into the relationship and that’s not being reciprocated, or it’s just not working, it’s time to let it go.
Listen I’m not telling you there’s no fixing your relationship, but you can’t be the only one working towards it. A relationship will never stand tall being only one sided.
You can work through anything as a couple if you’re dedicated and love each other enough. But if your partner isn’t giving you that same energy back, what else can you do?
But even if you’re both trying to make it work, and it’s not..well then what else can you really do? Love each other enough to move on.
Communicate how you feel.
First of all, does your partner know how you feel? You can’t fix a relationship if the other person isn’t helping. But how can they if they don’t know to be helping.
How can they attempt to help if y’all aren’t on the same page?
Talk it out. Write it out. Let em know. Once you get that energy bounced back to you, you’ll know whether or not the relationship can be fixed, or needs to be let go.
Know that it’s not always about you.
Maybe your spouse needs to read this. Maybe they need some self reflection because they aren’t happy with themselves. You could be doing everything right but like I said above, they’ll never accept it because they just can’t help it.
If you know they have a history, know that they have some healing to do. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you or don’t want to be with you; it just means that they have to focus on healing and loving themselves before they can be happy within and project that love to you.
So what you need to ask yourself is, do you love them enough to help them through that?
Your choice should be pretty obvious. But I’ll let you work that out on your own. Until then, my wish for you is for you to love yourself. ❤️
Once you are happy with yourself, any outside love is just a freakin bonus.
And you’ll accept nothing less.
So remember to fix a relationship, starts within you.